First time Golfer...

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.

The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.

"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

"Oh great! Now you tell me," said the beginner in a disgusted tone.

Being Humble...

"It's hard to be humble," says an old country song, "when you're perfect in every way." Very few people, of course, actually think they're perfect in every way, but it can still be pretty hard to be humble, especially when you live in a society that encourages competition and individuality. Even in such a culture, however, humility is an important virtue. Learning to be humble is of paramount importance in most religions and spiritual traditions, and humility can also help you develop as a person and enjoy richer relationships with others.

Appreciate your talents. Being humble doesn't mean you can't be confident or feel good about yourself. Self-esteem is not the same as pride. Both come from a recognition of your own talents and qualities, but pride--the kind of pride that leans toward arrogance--is rooted in insecurity about them. Think about the abilities you have and be thankful for them.

Keep in mind that being humble has many benefits. Humility can help you be more content with your life, and it can also help you endure bad times and improve your relationships with others. It's also essential to being an effective learner. If you think you know it all, you won't be open-minded enough to seek out new knowledge. Humility is also, somewhat counterintuitively, an excellent tool for self-development in general. After all, if you feel superior, you have no incentive to improve. Most of all, being humble allows you to be honest with yourself.

Don't fake humility. Pretending to be humble isn't the same as being humble, and often people who pretend to be humble do it in order to seek out praise. Other people will recognize this, and even if you fool some, you won't derive the same benefits as you would through actually developing humility.

Eat Your Vegetables!

There is never a shortage of nutritional regimes, fad weight programs, and
health crazes out there, most of which contradict one another. However,
the one thing that every dietary messiah, eating planner, nutritionist,
doctor, and culinary consultant agrees on is that vegetables are indeed
very good for you.

FruitsAndVeggiesMoreMatters.Org is a great resource for anyone who is
trying to switch gears from brownies to broccoli, with a host of useful
tips on how to select, prepare, cook and store fresh produce. Whether your
motivation is to heal your body and promote longevity, or simply to lose
weight, it is pretty much universally recognized that fruits and vegetables
are an essential part of any healthy diet. So eat your veggies!!!

Visit the website at Fruits and Vegetables More Matters

Friendship Is...

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Pet Rules

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

A Keeper...

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign
advertising the 4 pups. And set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his
overalls. He looked down into the eyes of little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck,
"These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his
pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four
little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link
fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence,
the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the
ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began
hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want
that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down,
and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a
steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a
specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I
don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little
pup. Holding it carefully handed it to the little boy.
"How much?" asked the little boy.
"No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."
The world is full of people who need someone who understands.

Bigfoot

Member of Parliament Mike Lake says the sasquatch should be protected as an endangered species.

He presented a petition
from his constituents asking "to establish immediate, comprehensive
legislation to effect immediate protection of Bigfoot." Lake agrees
that Bigfoot should be added under Canada's Species at Risk Act.
(Vancouver Province newspaper)

...That's hardly necessary: their population count is exactly the same as it always has been

...Let's hope that we don't find any oversize footprints in those sandtraps next week

...Ol' Duffer