1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
4. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
5. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
6. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
7. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
8. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
9. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a-head.'
10. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
11. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
12. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
13. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
14. A backward poet writes in-verse.
15. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
16. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
17. Don't join dangerous cults. Practice safe sects!
“From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor."